Why China, Financials and other questions

We have been lucky enough to have some really good support for our adoption.  Not everyone is supportive, but most people who care about us are, or they are at least trying.  Not everyone understands what we are doing, but we have a lot of people in our lives who understand and a lot more who are learning through us.  Maybe no one they know has adopted internationally, so they are along for the ride, but are curious as to what we are doing and what everything means.  I have made a few local adoptive friends and a lot more through internet adoption groups that I belong to.  David and I have avoided a lot of questions that I hear other adoptive friends have to answer, but I am going to answer some of those questions here, in case you were wondering or maybe even considering adopting some day. 

Why international adoption and not "buy American"?

That "buy American" quote was actually from a friend of ours.  I don't think he would be offended by my using his words.  When we were approached about adopting an older boy who was here in the states, I really had to think and pray about it and examine my own heart and motives.  Those who have known us for a while know that we longed to grow our family for many years.  That was mostly driven by me, but David also felt something was missing, especially when we were actively trying and couldn't grow our family.  To make a long story short, we actively tried to grow our family through IVF and domestic adoption. In both cases, we thought we were growing our family, but we never came home with a baby.  It was expensive and heart wrenching.  As we abandoned the idea of having another biological child and began to seek out a child through adoption, we really wanted to help a child, but we wanted a younger child.  I love my older boys.  They are a ton of fun, but I wanted one more little one. 

People ask us if we thought about foster care.  Yes, we did.  We went to information meetings and considered starting foster care placement training, but the statistics we were given did not meet the needs we had for our family.  We were not willing to hurt our children with a child placed in our home and later removed.  After trying to build our family and knowing we had babies in heaven, we could not lose another child at this time.  This was especially true of our youngest son, and really, me.  There is risk to anything, but we needed to know we would end up with a permanent child to add to our family at the end of the process. 

So, why China?

When we had dear family friends that approached us about caring for our children while we traveled internationally to adopt, we opened the book to international adoption.  I researched many programs.  We chose China because we could get a young child and because it was a solid, reputable program.  The children were reasonably well cared for both prenatally and as orphans.  The fact that we could also get a girl began to start dreams about pink things in our house for the first time.  Our journey to our daughter in China has not been easy, but it has been right.  God has blessed us each and every step of the way.  We KNOW that this is where we are supposed to be.  We know that it might not be an easy homecoming to bring home an older baby (approximately 20-22 months by the time we get home) with special needs (cleft lip/palate) but we have never felt so right in this whole journey.  This is right and our daughter is waiting for us. 

Why special needs?

China has two programs for adoption, non special needs (NSN) and special needs (waiting children). The NSN program has a wait of over 6 years.  This was just not an option for us with our children's age.  We would have chosen another country if we were looking for NSN.  Our oldest son is on the autism spectrum.  He is very high functioning, but we worked hard to help him unlock his potential.  We felt we had become acquainted with the special needs resources in our community and we knew the work required and how to seek help.  David and I both had what would be considered special needs in China.  David was born with club feet and I was born with cross eyes and amblyopia (lazy eye).  What would our lives have been like if we had been born in China, instead of America?  The waiting children program was the only program we looked at for China and it is where we found Caitlyn.  Caitlyn has cleft lip (which has been fixed) and cleft palate.  She will also have some developmental delays due to poor nutrition (There are some failure to thrive issues) and orphanage delays. 

Isn't it really expensive?

Yes.  David and I don't normally talk about our finances, except in general terms, but I will give a little more information here in case anyone is considering adoption.  Adopting from China will cost about $32,000, depending on travel costs and some other variables.  (Some agencies are a little cheaper and some are more expensive. Ours was up front about all costs, including five years of post adoption reports & in-country expenses- including guides, which we appreciated and have included.) We had already paid several thousand dollars for a failed domestic adoption, plus we had paid for infertility treatments.  This has been a stretch for us.  We have made hard choices over the last year.  We had a smaller Christmas than we could have had.  We have cut back on the kids outside activities for a short period of time.  But it also hasn't been impossible.  In the last few years, I have started working more hours and have been babysitting and we both have incredibly supportive employers.  David has had a good year at work and we have paid off some major bills this last year which has freed up some cash each month.  Both our cars are paid off.  When we don't have doctor bills and car repairs, we have been able to move money in to the adoption savings account each month.  We have had some generous friends and family members. It has been humbling to ask for help in the form of fundraisers, but God has blessed our efforts.  We sold out of our fundraising bracelets in a few weeks.  We are doing a facebook auction in January and have several friends who are donating new items or services to that.  

Why fundraise? I didn't fundraise to have my kids!

I know, right?  Awkward!!  Here's the deal.  We hate fundraising.  David and I are pretty independent people.  We wanted to do this all on our own, but we couldn't. We are close and we have certainly tried, but we needed some help.  We had a garage sale and I am doing babysitting.  Those have really helped, but we needed to do something to raise the $5500 mandatory donation to the orphanage that Caitlyn is in. As I've mentioned before, this is a required donation to the children left behind.  In the orphanage we are adopting from, there are ten floors of orphans, so there is most certainly a need.  We have supported friends, church members and others we don't even know, to adopt, to go in to ministry and to go on mission trips and we had many of those people and others ask us what we were going to do to raise money.  It is a pretty normal thing in the international adoption world.  Not everyone has to do it, but many do. We hope that we do not offend anyone.  That is our fear, that we would make someone think poorly of us or that we are making bad decisions or not providing for our family appropriately.  If we offend you in any way, please try to understand.  Please know our hearts are just to get our baby home and to help those left behind, nothing more.  To those who have helped us or helped others to bring their baby home, thank you so much, from the bottom of my heart. 

Where can I look at adoption?

Adoption isn't right for everyone, but we have done a lot of research to get to this point.  If you are even considering growing your family through adoption, here are some people we trust. 

You can always contact the Department of family services in your state for foster care options.  

If you are looking at Domestic Adoption, Courtney Lott at Faithful Adoption Consultants is wonderful. 

If you are possibly interested in adopting an older child, our friend Murray Chanow at the Adoption Coalition of Texas is great.  He works a lot with Wendy's Wonderful Kids, the Dave Thomas for adoption organization.

Finally, for adoption from China or Haiti, our agency, CCAI, has been great.  There are many reasons I chose them and I would be glad to discuss it with you at any time. 

OOT, out of translation

Our dossier in China has been translated as of Christmas day. That means we should be LOA (our official Letter of Acceptance) in about 30 days. Then 9-15 weeks until we can go get our little girl. I know it doesn't seem like much, but it was what this mommy's heart needed!! 

17 months old today

Today Caitlyn is 17 months old!!  I wish I could post a picture or tell you a little something about her, but I can not.  And frankly, that stinks!!  Okay, not really what you came here to hear, but it is true.  I have a hard time telling people how I am feeling about that, because I am thrilled to be "pregnant".  That's kind of what I am and that's kind of how people around me think of me.  No, I don't have a big old belly, well at least not one that I can blame on a baby.  But I am expecting.  

The weird thing though, and the part that I can't quite get my mind around, is that she continues to grow up without us.  Did they celebrate her in any way today?  Did they love on her?  Did they even notice that today was kind of a special day?  I mean, truth be told, did I notice my birth childrens' 17 month old birthdays?  Maybe, but maybe not.  They were loved and held and valued everyday, so I don't know if I did anything special when they turned 1 year and 5 months old.  With Cole I was about to pop with Connor and with Connor, I was overwhelmed with Cole, so maybe I didn't do anything special for them either.  But still, I am sad.  Is she walking? talking? crawling? laughing? Even more importantly, eating? Being loved? Is she warm? healthy?  UGH!!!  I'm so blessed by knowing that she is coming, but I want her to be here, not there. 

Merry Christmas, 2012

Christmas Eve without Caitlyn

I'm having a hard time putting in to words how I feel today.  I am happy and excited for the boys, but very emotional to be so far from my little girl.  This song says it perfectly. 

Third Day's Merry Christmas

Enjoy some pictures of our anticipation.

Moved to foster care

I have been dying to share and since my baby girl's picture is on their web site, I guess it is safe to say that my baby has had her first surgery (cleft lip) and has been moved to foster care with Eagles Wings 5, in the baby house.  This is such a good move for her.  We have sponsored her, but they are looking for more sponsors for her and two other new children. Off to school and I'll share more later!!

To sponsor, or just read more about their program, you can go to Eagles Wings 5.