17 months old today

Today Caitlyn is 17 months old!!  I wish I could post a picture or tell you a little something about her, but I can not.  And frankly, that stinks!!  Okay, not really what you came here to hear, but it is true.  I have a hard time telling people how I am feeling about that, because I am thrilled to be "pregnant".  That's kind of what I am and that's kind of how people around me think of me.  No, I don't have a big old belly, well at least not one that I can blame on a baby.  But I am expecting.  

The weird thing though, and the part that I can't quite get my mind around, is that she continues to grow up without us.  Did they celebrate her in any way today?  Did they love on her?  Did they even notice that today was kind of a special day?  I mean, truth be told, did I notice my birth childrens' 17 month old birthdays?  Maybe, but maybe not.  They were loved and held and valued everyday, so I don't know if I did anything special when they turned 1 year and 5 months old.  With Cole I was about to pop with Connor and with Connor, I was overwhelmed with Cole, so maybe I didn't do anything special for them either.  But still, I am sad.  Is she walking? talking? crawling? laughing? Even more importantly, eating? Being loved? Is she warm? healthy?  UGH!!!  I'm so blessed by knowing that she is coming, but I want her to be here, not there.